Today Lucky lost her Battle with Lymphoma Cancer. Just 9 Weeks after being Diagnosed and a brave Fight, lot’s of Prayers and Hopes of a Miracle if was not supposed to be. We tried everything possible to fight this terrible Cancer that affects many Dogs but at the end we lost this Fight. She was such a gentle, sweet and brave Soul, I have to believe that her Job her was done and God wanted her by his side.
We are heartbroken as we still held out hope yesterday by starting a different protocol of chemo, but it became apparent throughout the night that the end was near. It was not a good night but the ending was quick with a supposed heart attack or stroke, we suspect.
I had already decided yesterday, as we were talking to the Specialist, that we would not continue and that it was time. While sitting in the Patient Room I called my regular Vet that I was on my way to bring her in to let her go. At this point it had become increasingly difficult to get her to eat, her water intake had increased however, right after walking away from the water bowl she would vomit some water back up, and she was clearly getting weaker by the day.
The Specialist left the room to give me some time to make arrangements and to get a shot ready to make the ride to my Vet more comfortable and less stressful, when Lucky got up and stared at me. I looked into her little eyes and it was not the look of a dog who was ready to go yet. When you are a dog owner and have gone through a pet dying before you will know that look.
I thought I give her some cookies for the last time but she did not just eat one, she wanted the jar full of cookies. So I thought the look is not there, she is clearly hungry, maybe it is not time yet. I called the Specialist back in and we decided to give this last protocol of Chemo a try. I cancelled the appointment with my vet and 1 hour later we were on our way home and Lucky seemed fine.
By late afternoon we noticed that Lucky was pushing out air at exhaling a little harder a little more often. We thought it was part of the chemo doing its work since the lymph nodes seemed to get smaller. As the night went on the breathing got more difficult either due to pain or something else we were not aware of. I gave her more pain medication but it did not seem to work.
Early in the morning I called the Emergency Room and got quite a rude response. I could not possibly take to a place like that to die so I encouraged Lucky to hold on until the Vet opened. It was the longest Hour I can remember. Lucky’s health seems to deteriorate by the minute.
She came into my bathroom as I was getting ready and that is when she gave me that look. It was the look of letting me know it is time to let go and say good bye. My heart broke but I wanted to get her to the Vet and have her fall asleep in my arms.
We woke up the kids. They needed a chance to say good bye. As soon as the kids were done hugging her and walked away she started being in distress.
I carried Lucky into the SUV to go to the Vet just 3 minutes down the street. I hurried out the gate and as I was driving up the hill I heard 3 very quick whimpers or faint cries and then silence. I told her to hold on and kept on talking but new in my heart she had just passed away. This is not the way I wanted her to go and those cry’s for help will stick with me forever.
I believe that letting her go yesterday would have saved her from a night of pain and she could have slept away peacefully, but for what ever reason she was not ready. I believe she wanted to come home one more time to be able to say good bye to the children, who loved her so much. I also believe she was such a carrying soul till the end, that by letting go of her pain in the car, she spared me the even more heartbraking ending and guilt I already felt. Had she hung on, I would have probably witnessed much worse. She cared so much about us until the end. It seemed like Lucky wanted to hold on to say goodbye to the children and then she let go. She was a tremendous fighter. She kept her spirits high throughout these weeks and very tough times and cheered me up when I was down. We will miss her terribly but she is in great place now, no more pain.